I Must Learn to Hurt Before I Can Feel Safe
by yas-m
Summary: set after What Kate Did. Jack tries to make sense of what happened and makes a friend in the process, while Kate tries to avoid him and hangs with Sawyer. However, danger on the island will require them to work together.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I sadly don't own anything, but at least I have my health :)

Jack stood up and started walking back to the caves, followed closely by Ana Lucia. "Thanks for the drink Jack." She said, somewhat flirtatiously. Jack smiled, but before he could say anything, Hurley came running and panting, almost knocking Jack over.

"Jack! Hey, Jack, you should…" but before he could continue, Hurley realized who was with Jack, "umm… yea… you should…".

"I'm Ana Lucia" she said, holding her hand out trying to make an effort like Jack had told her over the drink.

"Uh...uh... Hurley", he stuttered, and put out a shaking hand.

"What is it Hurley?" Jack said, trying to end the awkwardness. "Yeah, dude, Sawyer's awake, I think you should…"

"What? When?" Jack interrupted.

"I don't know but I was just coming out of the hatch and saw him coming back from a walk in the jungle with Kate and…", at the sound of her name, Jack's head dropped slightly forward and he rubbed his forehead.

"You alright dude?" Hurley asked.

"Yeah, I'll just grab my stuff, wanna come?" said Jack, turning to Ana Lucia.

"I don't know, I'm not sure Sawyer would be too pleased to see me." she explained.

"It'll be ok," said Jack, not really interested on who comes with him as long as he does not have to face Kate alone; he just wasn't ready.

They didn't talk much on the way to the hatch. She could see that Jack's mind was miles away.

"So Jack," she said. Jack woke from his reverie; he had forgotten that she was even with him. "Is this Kate why you were drinking?" she continued.

"Huh?" he asked stopping in his stride.

Ana Lucia stopped a few steps in front of him and turned, "well it was obvious you were drinking because of a woman, and the way your head dropped back there when you heard her name you would have thought that was not the only part of you that was hit hard, Jack," she explained.

"What? No, Kate and I are just friends." Jack said quickly and started to walk, quicker than before.

"Are you sure?" Ana Lucia asked, with a bit of jealousy in her voice.

"Ana, we were in a plane crash only over fifty days ago, we've had monsters, polar bears, crazy french women, others and God knows what else, we've been trying to survive not start relationships! We're just friends!" Jack snapped at her.

"Polar bears!" she asked, trying to loosen the situation, but Jack had already walked off.

Arriving at the hatch, Ana became all chatty again. She did not want Jack mad at her too, she was already on everyone's most hated list. "How come you guys got all the best stuff?"

Jack looked at her quizzically, "huh?"

Ana smiled, "well, first of all we were sitting in the tail end of the plane, landed on the bad part of the island, had an episode of lord of the flies, and I hear your hatch had food, all ours had was a bad smell and a leaky roof."

That managed a chuckle from Jack as he was opening the door to the hatch.

The alarm was already ringing when they walked in.

"What's that?" Ana asked.,

"That… that is our destiny," Jack replied sarcastically.

Going to the computer room to check if anyone was "saving the world", Jack saw Sun as she pressed the execute button and the faint click of the timer was the only sound heard.

"Hi Sun."

" Oh, hi Jack," she replied cheerfully, her smile wide, one that never left her face now that Jin was back.

_At least some people are happy_, Jack thought to himself.

In the other room, Sawyer and Kate were sitting at the table, having a snack of fruits.

"Well, well, if it ain't the hero," Sawyer said as Jack walked in. "Congratulations, Doc, you have a new victory on your record," he added sarcastically pointing to his shoulder.

Without looking at Kate, Jack walked towards Sawyer in his typically doctor way. "How is it? Is your fever gone?"

Trying to avoid looking at both Jack and Sawyer, Kate stared aimlessly at the fruits, trying to seem interested in how the mango peel shined in the light.

"All's good. Your little nurse there made me all good," smirked Sawyer.

Jack's looked flickered for a moment, and Sawyer's eyes narrowed in interest, not knowing what to make of this.

Ana Lucia walked in after a tour of the hatch, catching Kate's eye and stopping. Kate jumped up, an anger unseen in her before, taking over her.

"You- you're the one who killed Shannon," She breathed furiously.

Before Ana Lucia could say anything, Jack turned to Kate, looking at her for the first time since he'd come in, and snapped," It was an accident, Kate… you know accidents happen."

"You're defendin' her now, Jackass?" said Sawyer.

Kate looked at Jake, hurt visible on her face mixed with confusion, the confusion that Ana also felt, but with appreciation.

"I'm just- " Jack began, but he was interrupted by Ana.

"It's okay, I gotta go anyway," she walked out.

No one spoke as Jack got the bandages and medicine, and Kate went back to her study of fruit, color, and light, not knowing what to make of what had just happened, while Sawyer stared at Jack, trying to know what had happened to that _usually well-spoken hero._

Closing the cupboard door, Jack turned to Sawyer, "Call me when you're done eating, and I'll change your bandages."

Sawyer looked up at Jack, and in classic sawyer-style said, " Wouldn't wanna be more of a burden, doc. Freckles here can change my bandages, can't you sweet cheeks?" he turned to Kate and smiled.

Barely looking up, Kate managed to nod her head and utter and inaudible "Sure".

Jack turned to Kate for a split second then turned back to Sawyer and put the bandages on the table. "Fine," he said, turned hois back, and headed out.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Wow, Freckles, what the hell was that?" Sawyer said after Jack had left the room.

"What was what?" Kate replied trying to sound casual.

"What do you mean what was what? You and the Doc, that's what. What you guys break up?" Sawyer said.

"It's nothing, Sawyer, nothing happened." Kate said.

"Nothing? He walks in here, barely says a word to you, let alone look at you, then yells at you, defending Rambina of all people. I've never seen him that angry since Locke had Boone killed, and you say nothing!" Sawyer said.

Kate kept silent for a moment then got up and grabbed the bandages from the table, "it's nothing, ok, come on, we have to change your bandages." She said as she walked out.

Sawyer knew there was more to what just happened, but he also knew he wasn't going to get much out of Kate either, so he just took a bite from his mango and go up following Kate to the other room.

In the meantime, Jack stood in the middle of the computer room trying to get his head straight. 'what just happened? Why did I yell at Kate like that? And in front of Ana and Sawyer? Damn Sawyer! He's probably enjoying this? I wasn't ready to talk to Kate but now I've made things worse.'

"Jack?" Sun's voice snapped Jack back to reality. "Jack are you ok?" she asked him.

"Yeah, fine…" Jack said trying to sound as honest as he could.

"Are you staying in the hatch?" she asked.

"Why?" Jack replied with his mind obviously somewhere else.

"Would you mind covering for me? I…I need to do something…"she said.

In the corner of his eye Jack looked back to where Kate and Sawyer were sitting. 'Stay here, with Kate and Sawyer, yea sounds terrific,' he though to himself. But jack did not want Sun to notice anything was wrong. He was happy for her and wanted her and Jin to be happy, "yea, sure thing, you go… and make sure to tell Jin I say hi." Jack smiled as Sun blushed and thanked him as she left with a huge smile on her face

Although the timer had over 90 minutes left, Jack sat down at the computer and stared at the monitor. It felt like a war of thoughts and emotions had been raged in his head. He wished he could just shut it all off but it didn't work like that and he knew. He thought if he kept himself busy, but with what. Saving peoples' lives? Looking for Walt? He wanted something to relax, back home that meant golf, but know even that reminded him of Kate.

"Hey man," Michael said as he walked into the room, "mind if I join you?"

"Sure," Jack managed to say as Michael took the seat across from him.

Jack wanted to say something but just did not know what exactly. He wanted to tell Michael that everything was going to be ok, that they will find Walt, but he just couldn't get the conversation started.

Michael sat there looking at Jack staring into nowhere. 'Man, I wish I can say something to him. It must be awful having to worry about forty other people, make sure everyone's safe, healthy. I just had me and my son and I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders', Michael thought to himself. 'But there's something else about him today, yea he's always tired and hungry, but there's something more.'

Before anyone of them could say anything to break the ice, Kate walked in expecting to see Sun. seeing Jack, she froze in her place, "oh, hi…Michael hey," she managed to switch before making full eye contact with Jack.

Jack quickly shifted his eyes and concentration back to the computer. Michael looked at them both before he replied, "Hey Kate."

"Umm… Michael since you're here would you mind if I left for the beach, just for a short while I need to get some stuff." Kate said, still avoiding looking at Jack.

"No problem, take your time," Michael said.

"Is _Sawyer _going with you?" Jack asked her as she was leaving the room, without taking his eyes off the computer screen.

Kate stopped, and without turning her back said, "No _Jack, _Sawyer is sleeping."

Kate left the hatch with her head twirling. She knew that what she had done had upset Jack and he had all the right to be. But what she had just seen was a Jack she'd never thought she'd see. She had made him mad before, when they opened the case, but not like that. 'He is furious, more than furious, what had she done? Jack was the only one she could depend on, trust in this place.'

Just as Kate was traveling in her thoughts, she froze as she saw Claire, carrying Aaron, run frantically towards her, screaming.

"Water! Water! Quick!" Claire was yelling, or crying more like it.

"Claire! Claire! Calm down. What is?" Kate tried to calm her down.

"The water! It's coming in! The waves! … The whole beach is flooding!"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"The water! It's coming in! The waves! … The whole beach is flooding!" Claire cried.

Kate looked at her, shocked. "What!"

"You should go try to save your stuff. I need to find Jack." Claire cried as she ran towards the hatch.

Not giving herself a moment to think, Kate bolted towards the beach.

Back in the hatch, Michael tried his best not to show his shock at how Kate and Jack just interacted. "So, Rose was right about her husband being alive."

"Yeah, wish we all had her optimism, huh?" Jack smiled. The two sat there for a few moments talking about everything and nothing.

"Hey man, welcome back!" Michael said as Sawyer walked in.

"Hey Mike, thanks." Sawyer replied, then he was quiet for a moment, "really, thanks for everything, if it weren't for you…" he continued in a tone no one had heard before.

"Don't mention it man," Michael nodded.

Sawyer turned to Jack, who knew exactly what Sawyer was thinking.

"Drop it Sawyer," Jack said before Sawyer could say anything.

Sawyer shook his head and sat down, "so, what do you guys do for fun in this tin can?"

The other two smiled but all three jumped as a wet, panting Claire ran in. "Jack… quick… you have to go down to the beach… the whole place is flooding…" she managed to say, breathlessly.

"What? ... Michael let's go. Claire you have to stay, the button, ok? Don't forget. And get Aaron warmed up." Jack said as he started towards the door.

Michael and Sawyer followed Jack to the door, Jack turned to Sawyer, "you better stay, your shoulder… and you need stay with Claire." Jack said as he rushed out followed closely by Michael, leaving Sawyer to comfort the shaking Claire.

Halfway down the path to the beach, Jack and Michael saw what Claire was talking about. The waves were crashing against the trees at the entrance of the jungle, meters away from where the beach ended. The water was so high and strong it was shaking the trees and the spray of water was hitting their faces.

A few meters down the path, the survivors were running back to the caves carrying what they could salvage from their stuff, their faces aflame with fear.

"Jack! Jack!" cried Charlie. "Did you see Claire?"

"Charlie… she's fine, she's in the hatch. Are you ok? Is everyone ok? Did everyone make it back?" Jack quizzed him.

"Yeah fine. The bloody ocean just attacked. It is crazy…" Charlie started.

"Is there anyone still back there?" Jack interrupted.

"Sayid and Jin went back to help a few who are still back there…" Charlie replied as Jack and Michael continued back to beach. "…and Kate. Jack, Kate is still back there." Charlie added.

Jack froze for a moment and then took off, before Charlie could add another word, like a man running for his life.


	4. Chapter 4

_hey, just want to thank everyone for the reviews, glad you are enjoying it_

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Chapter 4

Jack and Michael made it to the beach to a sight worthy of a Hollywood disaster movie. It looked like a tsunami had hit the place. Tarps, bags and entire trees were being thrown in every direction. What was once their camp was now mayhem.

They stood there for a moment, appalled and terrified. Then, looking to his right Jack saw Sayid and Jin, helping three people with their bags and tents. Jack pointed Michael in their direction and headed towards them. "Sayid," he yelled out.

"Michael, Jack…" Sayid called to them, "Jack…Kate!" Sayid said as he pointed in the other direction.

Jack looked to where Sayid was pointing. There she was, covered to her knees in water, she carried one bag on her back and another wedged between her legs as she tried to untie her tent. When another wave came in, it smacked Kate directly in the back and she struggled to grab the tree next to her as the wave knocked her down.

As the wave washed back, Kate tried painfully to get herself back on her feet when she felt someone pick her up. "Jack," she said as got her balance.

"Kate, go back to the caves I got this," he said picking up her second bag.

"No, Jack, I need to get my…" Kate started.

"Kate, go! Now! I got this!" Jack cried out determinedly.

Kate started to say something but stopped, took one look at Jack and ran to the caves.

As Jack untied the last knot on Kate's tent he looked over in the direction of Sayid and the others. Except for a few things floating away, it seemed like they got everything and everyone, he watched as they headed off back to the caves.

By the time, Kate made it to the caves it was raining like crazy. As she stood there, breathless, she scanned the area, trying to find a spot within this chaos. Everyone was scared, petrified, shaking. Some had already found a place around the fire and were trying to dry up and warm up. Others were still in shock not knowing what to do or where to go. While Sun was starting to help some of the injured

Still looking for a place to put her things, Kate saw Jack's cave. Had it been any other day, she would just go over and put her things down, and not give it another thought. But she knew she could not do that today. Finally, Kate found a small, secluded cave a few caves away from Jack's.

As she was setting her bag down, Kate heard Sayid, Jin and Michael returning with the rest. Looking over, she could not see Jack.

"Where's Jack?" Kate asked as she approached them.

"He was still there when we left." Sayid replied as the three men turned to face her. "He should be here any moment. I'm sure he's fine." He added quickly as he saw Kate's face start to be taken over by worry.

Kate nodded silently and turned back heading to her cave. Kate's mood got even worse as she saw Ana Lucia walking towards her.

"Kate, right?" she asked with an attitude.

"Yea?" a surprised Kate replied

"I need to talk to Jack, have you seen him?" Ana Lucia asked her.

"No." Kate replied abruptly as she walked past her.

"You know you could do more of an effort of accepting that it was an accident." Ana jumped at her.

Without saying a word, Kate turned to face Ana and glared.

"Just because I didn't say anything back at the hatch doesn't mean I'm gonna let you just talk to me like that." Ana barked at her.

"Excuse me?" Kate snapped back.

"All I'm saying is that I didn't want to get into anything in front of Jack, at least he is trying to forgive me and hear my side." Ana explained, ready to attack Kate.

"Well, I'm sorry I'm not as good and forgiving as Jack!" an aggravated Kate replied and raged away in the rain.

Jack was the last one to caves. By the time he got there everyone had managed to find a spot for themselves and what they had saved of their belongings. Jack looked around him; the place looked like a refugee camp. Still carrying Kate's stuff, Jack started to check up on everyone to make sure they were ok. There had been some injuries which Sun had taken care of, but nothing serious. Looking for Kate, Jack saw her in a small cave going frantically through her bag. She had taken almost everything out and just threw it around. Jack knew what she was looking for.

Without saying a word, Jack walked over, put her things next to her and walked on. Snapping out of her hysterical search, Kate looked up to him, "Thank you," she said softly. Jack just nodded and gave her a small, one-sided smile.

Jack walked towards where Sayid, Michael and Charlie were. The men stood there discussing what had happened and what to do, when Locke came from behind Jack. "Who is in the hatch Jack? You left someone there, right?" he asked.

Not believing that Locke was actually worried about the hatch at a moment like this, Jack replied, "Claire and Sawyer are in the hatch. Sorry it isn't who should be according to your schedule, but we were trying to avoid a catastrophe here."

"That's not what I meant, Jack" Locke said back, as the other men watched Jack and Locke. "If everything here is ok, I think I'll go cover the next shift."

"Mind if I join you?" said a woman behind them.

Locke smiled, "sure you can…"

"Libby, I'm Libby." She replied.

"Sure you can, Libby."

Later in the evening, as Jack sat staring at the fire, he heard a female voice behind him, "Can we talk?"


	5. Chapter 5

hi everyone thanks for the reviews i'm glad you're enjoying it. this chapter and the next one were my favorite to right. i know i've been updating daily almostbut it might take a while for the next chapter because i have two papers for next week, i am sooo sorry, please don't hate me. enjoy this chapter and thanks again for the reviews and for reading. take care.

(note to **Lostbeth**: don't worry :) i'm sure you'll like what's coming)

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Chapter 5

No one slept that night, but no one was awake either. Nobody wanted to be caught with their eyes open and drawn into a conversation. So much had happened those past few days and today, yet nobody wanted to talk about any of it. Everyone was struggling with their thoughts.

No one wanted to talk about the raft failing or Walt being taken. No one wanted to mention that Sawyer had been shot or that tail-enders had survived. No one wanted to discuss Shannon's death or that the woman who had killed was amongst them. People were avoiding Michael, and people were avoiding Sayid. People were avoiding the tail-enders, and everyone was avoiding Ana Lucia. However, two people were avoiding everyone else, Jack and Kate. And two people sat fully awake that evening, Jack and Kate.

As Kate sat with her back to the wall of her new cave, she saw Jack in the corner of her eye, sitting opposite the fire, staring at it. She thought of walking up and talking to him. She should at least thank him properly for saving her life, she thought. But she did not know how he would react after what had happened earlier in the hatch, just because he helped did not mean that he forgave her. But he forgave that Ana Lucia for killing Shannon after he was ready to take revenge, Kate thought to herself.

Having drifted further in her thoughts, Kate was brought back to reality by Sawyer's mumbling in his sleep. He had decided to join her and make her cave his home too after returning from the hatch. She had not really negotiated because she neither felt like it and she knew there was not much space anyway. Turning her sight away from Sawyer and back outside, Kate saw Ana Lucia sanding there a few meters away from Kate's cave and looking at her, or actually more like sizing her up. Realizing that Kate saw her, Ana shook her head and walked away. Kate's sight followed her.

Jack was lost in his own thoughts when he heard a voice come from behind him.

"Can we talk?" she said.

"Sure," Jack said without looking up.

Jack moved over as Ana Lucia sat down beside him.

"What can I do for you, Ana?" Jack asked half-heartedly.

"Sawyer told me that he got the gun off a marshal." Ana spat out bluntly.

"So," Jack replied unappreciating Ana's tone or attitude.

"Jack, back in LA I was a cop, and when I saw Kate earlier I though I recognized her, but couldn't tell from where. But then tonight I remembered." Ana explained.

"What are you trying to say, Ana?" Jack was starting to get hot tempered himself, knowing where that was going.

"I think the marshal wasn't an air marshal, I think he was escorting a prisoner, Kate. I recognized her because I'd seen her mug shot. She's wanted in…" Ana said.

"You don't know what you're talking about! You don't even know Kate, she …" the now infuriated Jack yelled back at her before he was interrupted.

"All I'm saying, Jack, is that you guys need to be careful, you might have a criminal walking among you!" Ana yelled back at him.

Jack stood up, "well maybe you should dig a ditch and throw her in there! Hell, make it a big one so we could throw anyone who commits a crime in there!" he yelled as he stormed out of the caves.

In his infuriated stride away from Ana Lucia, Jack passed Kate's cave, oblivious to the look on her face that she had got after overhearing the conversation. Her eyes followed him as he went out into the rain, and before she knew it, she had gotten up and walked after him.

Following Jack through the jungle, Kate could not get the conversation she had overheard out of her mind. She was not sure whether she was more concerned that Ana had recognized her and that she was a cop or that Jack had defended her the way he did. The day's events had gone from bad to worse and her understanding of Jack's emotions and her own had become more confusing.

Kate kept following Jack despite the rain getting heavier and almost losing track of him. But by now she realized he was heading towards the hatch.

Then suddenly a few minutes before reaching the hatch, Kate saw Jack standing still in the middle of the rain in a small clearing. "Jack!" she called out still at a distance from him. But Jack did not budge; he just stood there, pinned to the ground. Kate moved faster towards him. When she was just a step behind him she saw what he was staring at.

There, barely three meters away, looking back at Jack with a smile across his face, he stood. He was drenched with his bullet-torn shirt soaked in blood.

Trembling with fear, Kate whispered, "Ethan."


	6. Chapter 6

Hi everyone. Thanks a lot for the reviews and thanks for bearing with me through my "hiatus". Anyway enjoy this chapter (which is short I know). I'll try to et the next chapter up as soon as I can, but you know how it gets when the semester gets to an end, especially when you have a thesis (who knew it needed so much work :D). enjoy and thanks again.

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Chapter 6

The rain grew stronger, drenching the three as they stared at one another, the air shaking with tension. Jack knew that Kate was there now and could sense her trembling behind him, but he could not bring himself to turn around. He could feel his legs, frozen to the ground, refusing any movement, and his eyes, wide and disbelieving, could not move from the figure before him, one he had never thought or hoped to see again. Kate's entire body was shaking, not a response to her wetness, and her breath, though heavy from running, had stopped short and caught in her throat.

Ethan smiled at them.

His eyes turned, and he said, "Hello Kate."

Kate gasped and felt Jack's arm wrap itself around her waist, pulling her behind him.

Standing behind Jack, who still had his arm in front of her protectively, Kate put her hand on his back, held on to his shirt and whispered in a tremulous, shaking voice, with one eye on Ethan, "Jack…"

Hearing her terrified whisper, Jack managed to turn his head slightly towards her, keeping Ethan in the corner of his eye, and look at her, trying to calm her down. But he couldn't. As much as he wanted to do so, and as much as she wanted to feel safe and protected by Jack, the fear on his face was obvious, shivering his very eyes, and echoing through his unstable breath. It was the first time Kate had seen him totally taken over by apprehension and left vulnerable.

Ethan moved his eyes away from Kate and back to Jack, and, his unsettling smile widening, he said, "I'll be seeing you around, Jack."

With that, Ethan turned once more to Kate, and nodding, he turned around and walked into the jungle.

Kate and Jack watched apprehensively, their feet still glued to the ground, as the darkness swallowed the last image of him. A moment passed in which nothing but their heavy breathing could be heard, then Jack started to walk after him. He was stopped short by Kate's terrified grip on the back of his shirt.

Jack turned around slowly, allowing Kate to release her hand as he looked at her. His firm expression grew softer and his eyes concerned as he looked at Kate, her hand slowly moving back to her side as it shook uncontrollably. Kate face was ashen white, frozen in a terror that caused her lips to tremble and eyes to widen, swelling with tears of the confusion of emotions and thoughts. She was standing in the way she had been for the past few minutes, her eyes still transfixed at the spot where Ethan had been. She looked at Jack, trying to remember the language she spoke and managed to mumble some of what was spilling around in her mind, "But… he's dead… was… how…".

Overpowering emotion taking over him and drowning out his fear, Jack's only need was to comfort Kate as he moved over to her, putting his arms around her in a forceful embrace. Kate moved closer, not struggling this time but accepting and allowing Jack's arms to hold her tightly, she buried her head into his chest, her tears pouring down her face, wiping away white with red and fear with foreboding. Kate felt her fear leave her, being absorbed by Jack's determinacy to comfort her.

Jack held on for several minutes as Kate's last tear fell and her breathing grew steadier. When he felt her loosen in his grip, he drew back, looking at her with concern. Then he moved back, and beginning to walk said, "We better go to the hatch".

Turning back around, Jack saw that Kate was still standing, anxiousness still holding her back, and fear returning to her as Jack's body moved away from hers.

"It's going to be alright, Kate."


	7. Chapter 7

Hey guys. Thanks a lot for the reviews. Hope you guys are enjoying it, I'm having a great time writing (especially the Jate :D). And I just wanna thank my sister, without whom this chapter would not exist; she managed to fix my chaotic chapter into something decent.

Chapter: 7

Their walk to the hatch was very quiet. Neither one of them said a word. Neither one wanted to say a word. Kate kept close to Jack, who occasionally put a hand on her back or shoulder when the noises in the jungle came closer to them. Every whisper or rustle would have them looking over their shoulders in fear, disbelief, and anticipation, but it was always the wind and the trees.

They both let out drawn sighs of relief as the hatch door came into view, and, walking in, they were surprised to hear laughter coming from the computer room. They stepped into the computer room and were shocked further to see it was Locke and Libby. _Locke laughs_, they both unintentionally thought, an odd sensation of mockery quickly vanishing and leaving their old feelings.

"Jack, what are you doing here?" asked Locke in his usual somber tone when he noticed the two drenched figures looming in the doorway.

Jack was not in the mood for one of Locke's moments.

"You should be at the caves. They need their leader, Jack," added Locke.

Jack managed to only stare at Locke in anger and annoyance, and then walked on to find some dry clothes.

Before Locke could shoot another comment at Jack, Kate jumped in.

"Not now, John, not now," she said, shaking her head pointedly, following Jack into the bedroom.

Kate walked in to the room, moving towards the closet where jack's dark form stood, slightly hunched over. As he became clearer in the light, she stopped abruptly. Jack was leaning over, his left hand clutching a shelf while the other held his head, rubbing it slowly. What held Kate in her place was jack's wet bare back, muscles clenched tightly, droplets of water running over the tension from the weight of everything that had happened. Though she had seen Jack shirtless before, something about the scene made Kate blush, but she shook herself out of it instantly.

"Jack, are you okay?" she asked, realizing the absurdity of the question as soon as it had left her mouth.

Jack jumped slightly and straightened, having not heard Kate walk in amidst the screaming in his mind. He lifted his head and looked at her, managing a small smile and saying, " Yeah, fine. Just looking for something to wear." He viewed her for a moment before adding, "You should change into something dry and warm up too."

Kate smiled the way she did every time Jack said or did something that showed he was thinking of her.

"Anything in there in 'small'?"

Jack rummaged through the clothes and pulled something out.

"No, no way, Jack, come on. I'm not going to wear _that_," objected Kate, looking at what he was holding out: the beige Dharma overalls.

"Kate, it's not a fashion show," said Jack in half-humor, half-dead-seriousness.

Mumbling slightly in objection, Kate grabbed the overalls and left to change as Jack pulled on a white t-shirt.

Jack walked into the room with the couches a few minutes later, only to find Kate curled up on one of the couches, her droopy eyes showing she was half asleep, the Dharma overalls hanging loosely, still a few sizes too large. When she saw Jack walk in, she sat up, expecting to discuss what had happened in the jungle. Jack, however, did not give her a chance to start.

"Kate, we'll talk about it in the morning. You should get some sleep."

"But, Jack-" she began, but he cut her off.

"Kate, there's nothing we can do about it now. Get some rest, you need it, and we'll talk in the morning. Okay?"

Kate nodded, too tired to argue, and lay her head back on the armrest.

As Jack sat there, watching Kate doze off, a nagging, desperate, and exhausted cycle of thoughts took him as the daily report began to process in his mind. He and Kate still had not said a word to each other about what had happened that afternoon. And now _this_. Though the events were not of equal importance, they seemed to have the same heavy effect on Jack's already rattled mind. _How could so much happen in one day?_ he thought, rubbing his forehead. Some days on the island seemed to last a lot longer than twenty-four hours. His mind still could not grasp the idea that Ethan was alive, that he had _seen_ him; the image of the entire moment, which seemed much longer, felt more like a dream than something that had happened less than an hour ago. _How_, he couldn't help thinking, how _could this happen?_ _No,_ what_ was happening_? Everything was beyond reality, beyond reason, beyond explanation. But jack was a doctor, he wanted answers, he wanted to understand. This was too much. He had thought polar bears and monsters were odd, but this was absurd. Dead people do not come to life! He had _seen _Charlie kill Ethan. _But_, he said to himself, _the bullet holes were still there_. Jack held his head in frustration. He knew what he was avoiding, the one thought he should contemplate. The problem was that now was not the time for how _or_ why. He had to ask himself what questions. What was his next move? What was he supposed to do now? He knew people would be depending on him for safety measures. A sudden flash of memory erupted in his mind. He had forgotten all about it in the past hour: the beach was flooded. Jack could feel the weight increase as the pressure of finding a solution for that as well came into his mind.

Jack had never felt this helpless and desperate. He could not think clearly. For a few seconds, he couldn't understand or remember anything, but he then tried to sort everything out. In the morning, he would have to find a solution for everything. Morning. Jack's concept of time was growing messier as he slept less and less, thogh he had thought working as a surgeon would have prepared him. _But my patients are either alive or dead, never somewhere in between_, he thought bitterly.

What had happened at the beach was probably just a natural phenomenon- or not. _Rain_ was even different on this God-forsaken island. He was just relieved everyone was safe- for now. The state in the caves could only be temporary, everything about it screamed temporary. They couldn't live like that, cramped and unsettled. But only a few would go back to the beach, the rest would gladly leave spotting a plane or ship to someone else. They would probably need to look for another shelter. Jack moaned inwardly. But _now_, after the talies' story and Ethan coming back no one would venture to go farther into the jungle. Maybe after everyone had calmed down a little they would start going back. Perhaps for now it would be better to leave things as they were and think of what to do about the bigger problem.

Jack's eyes traveled back to Kate. _No, Jack, _Ethan_. Ethan is the bigger problem._ What did he want this time? Jack was not worried about Claire for now. Ethan had walked into the jungle with an air of finality.

He would have to follow him the next day. But the voice in the back of his mind kept whispering what he already knew. He could not do it without Kate. But… there was too much tension between them. Jack let his mind go back to that afternoon, not stopping it this time. He needed to deal with it before anything else. It would be the _only_ way to deal with anything else. It would be the only way his mind would clear and focus.

Jack looked at Kate again. He knew that the way he was acting showed otherwise, but he didn't hate Kate. How could he? Yes, he was angry, but the bigger part of him was hurt. Hurt because of what she had done, but more because of why and what it was doing to him. Kate was, well, _Kate_. She was the only one he trusted, the only one he had been able to talk to. She was what kept him sane, the only one who knew how to pick up the pieces and put them back.

She was the only one who made him smile.

He knew, sadly, that if he wanted to rationalize what had happened, he could, but it would only make it worse, deepen the hole. It would be more painful to make sense of it, best keep it blurry.

Jack also knew it was slightly his fault as well, provoking her when she was obviously emotional and vulnerable.

It dawned on him. He knew he wasn't mad, only hurt, but how worse would it be if he kept acting like this. He still needed her. It had been painful to see her run and see her with Sawyer, but it would hurt more not to see her at all.

Jack came out of his reverie to find his eyes had been resting on Kate the whole time. Her breathing had become steady- she was asleep. A sudden comprehension came to him: it was the first time she had slept in five days. He got up, got a blanket, and covered Kate, a small smile on his face. Walking back to the couch, the weight on his shoulders a little lighter, he fell asleep as soon as he put his head down.


	8. Chapter 8

Ok, a new chapter, I promise it's much lighter than the previous one. Thanks a lot for the reviews everyone please keep 'em coming, Enjoy!

Chapter 8

Hurley walked into the hatch, still sleepy from last night, and went to the sitting area. He saw Jack from behind on one of the couches, and not realizing he was asleep, went up to him.

"Dude! There you are!" he said loudly causing Jack to jump from sleep.

Hurley walked to face the couch and Jack, whose disheveled demeanor and red eyes caught Hurley's attention.

"Whoa, Dude, did I wake you up? So sorry," said Hurley apologetically.

Jack sat up, rubbing his eyes, "It's alright, Hurley. I slept too long anyway," he said, realizing that he really had slept longer that he ever had since they've crashed.

"I've been looking for you everywhere…" Hurley began.

"Where?" Jack asked dubiously, with a small, sly smile on his face.

"Ummm… your cave… Dude, I think you should go to the caves. Two guys got into a fight this morning and they like need stitching or something," Hurley said.

Jack's mind woke up as everything came back to him.

"Is everyone okay? Everything going alright?" Jack asked in concern, beginning to doubt whether staying in the hatch had been a good idea.

"Yeah, we're all good. Well, except for those two guys, but I don't think they're hurt too bad."

Jack got up, groaning at his stressed limbs, and looked over at Kate. She was still asleep.

"Okay… are you staying in the hatch?" he asked, starting to leave.

"Yeah, dooms-day-button duty. Fun." Hurley smiled sarcastically.

Getting to the door, Jack remembered something.

"When Kate wakes up, could you tell her I'm at the caves?"

"You guys make up?" Hurley asked, trying to hide his smile.

Jack looked at him, a mixture of annoyance, suspicion, and plain confusion evident in his expression.

"Well, I heard you guys aren't talking or something," Hurley explained, reading Jack's expression.

"We're fine," snapped Jack, annoyed at the question and the fact Hurley knew.

Jack left the hatch to the caves, walking quickly, knowing that hell would have risen. But he was wrong. Sun had stitched up the two guys, leaving Jack thinking that she was turning out to be quite useful.

Jack began rummaging through his bag for a clean shirt when Charlie came up to him.

"There you are. Heard you had a nice long sleep in the hatch. Hope you were warm enough while we were freezing here like cattle."

Jack ignored his routinic nagging, saying, "Is Claire okay?"

"Yeah, fine, why?" asked Charlie, curious at Jack's evident worry.

"Nothing, just that she seemed really shook up yesterday," Jack lied, and, changing the subject, added, "What's everyone been up to this morning?"

"Not much, except for those two baboons waking us up and giving us a fright this morning. They had a fight. Did you hear about that?" Charlie went on, a mere buzz in the back of jack's occupied mind.

Jack nodded, barely hearing him, and Charlie went on, "Sayid and a few others went down to the beach this morning, try to find…"

But before he could finish his sentence, Sayid came up behind him.

"Hello, Jack,"

"How is it down there?" Jack asked, looking over Charlie's shoulder.

Sayid shook his head, "It's horrible, Jack. Almost as bad as when we crashed. It will take weeks before we can fix it and move back…"

"Move back? After what happened?" said Jack, taken aback and surprised anyone would want to go back.

"Jack, that was a one-time natural disaster. You'll find people still have hope. _You _stayed here after the cave-in, right? Anyway," he lifted the bag he was carrying off his shoulders, "we found some stuff. If you want to go through it, see if there is anything…"

Jack nodded and took the bag, "Thanks."

As Sayid and Charlie walked away, Charlie chattering non stop, Jack walked to his cave and put the bag on his makeshift bed. As he started to look through it, Ana came over.

"Hi Jack," she said.

Jack looked up, dropping a wet sock back into the bag.

"Hi," he said, going back to the bag.

"Listen… Jack, about last night - I know I was out of line. And I'm sorry…," she apologized, smiling nervously.

Jack looked back at her, slightly more interested now. From what he had heard about her, Ana was not one to apologize.

"It's ok, Ana. You just need to know that, the way it is over here, everyone gets a new start. Who you were and what you did before don't matter. What matters is what you have done since we have been here," he explained, looking past Ana to where Kate was. Something flared inside him for a moment; she was with Sawyer, laughing like she hadn't for several days.

Ana looked at Jack, glad he didn't hate her, then at the ground, realizing he was looking past her.

Jack's moment of wanting to throw whatever was in his hand (at that moment, a part of a blanket) at Sawyer passed, and he turned back to Ana. He realized that she was still wearing the same clothes she had been when he met her at the airport.

Smiling, he said, "You should go see Claire or one of the women. They sorted the clothes after we crashed if you want."

Ana was taken by surprise but thanked him. And, taking the hint, she left.

Jack went back to the bag and emerged a few moments later with a huge smile on his face and what he had been looking for safely in his right hand. After looking at it for a few seconds, he pocketed it and walked out.

Once out of the cave, he looked at Kate, and having met her eyes, cocked his head for her to follow him.

Kate woke up and looked around her. She felt odd. She wasn't sleepy, her back wasn't hurting and she wasn't cold. Looking down, she saw a blanket covering her. _Jack_, she thought, smiling, and looking across the room. He wasn't there. Slightly disappointed, Kate got up and walked to the computer room, expecting Jack to be there.

"Hurley!" she said walking in, "Where's Jack?"

"Good morning to you, too. Yeah, Jack told me to tell you he's at the caves."

Kate half ran to the caves, but, to her disappointment and annoyance, Jack was with Ana.

Grumpily walking back to her cave, she was greeted by a surly, "mornin' Freckles."

"Hey Sawyer," she said turning to him.

Sawyer laughed, "are we trying to make a fashion statement now? The other girls too much of a competition?"

Kate stared at him stupidly for a moment before looking down at her overalls. Laughing, she sat down next to him.

"Where'd you go off last night, leavin' me here inc cavetown? Off for a cup of tea with the polar bears again?" Sawyer joked.

"It's not my fault I ended up with a cave-mate who snores," she teased.

"Hell, Freckles, it was cold," Sawyer smiled.

"Well, if you slept with a shirt on, you'd be warmer."

A mischievous look came across his face, a sneer on his mouth, "so you were watchin' me sleep… keeping track of my sleeping habits?"

Kate looked up at Jack's cave again and saw him walking out. He caught her eye and motioned for her to follow him.

Ana saw Jack leave the caves, followed closely by Kate. She looked around her, trying to find something to do or someone to talk to. Scanning the camp, she saw Sawyer.

"Hi, Sawyer," she said, as she walked up to him.

"_Hi Sawyer_… Don't you mean sorry Sawyer, sorry I almost left you half dead in the middle of the magic forest," Sawyer replied, trying to get on her nerves.

Ana snickered. "Well, from what I've heard, I'd say you would've done the same thing yourself."

"Yeah…Well…" Sawyer said, raising an eyebrow with a cynical half smile across her face. "So I see you're trying to get cozy with the Doc?"

"Yeah…Well…" Ana smiled, mocking Sawyer's earlier answer.

"Whoa, Rambina, didn't know you had the guts to compete with Freckles?" Sawyer said.

Ana looked at him, confused. _Who's Freckles?_

"Kate," Sawyer explained, in a duh-sort-of-way.

"I thought there was nothing between them, that they were just friends." Ana said inquiringly.

"Ha! Just friends! Who told you that?" Sawyer laughed.

"Jack said…" Ana started.

"Don't let that thing in the hatch yesterday fool you, sister…" Sawyer started, but the mention of that and its implication on Shannon's death stopped him.

They looked away for a moment, but Ana tried to end the awkwardness, "heard you guys built a golf course?"


	9. Chapter 9

Ok, two quick updates. Hope you guys are enjoying it. I have a couple more chapters written but just need to be typed up 'cause they're all over the place. (Haven't seen "The Hunting Party" episode yet but read that there was a lot of Jate angst. Hope it all ends well.)

Anyway, enjoy and thanks for reading.

Chapter 9

Jack and Kate walked quietly for a few minutes until they reached a place where no one would interrupt or overhear them.

"You ok?" Jack asked Kate, with sincere concern in his voice and eyes.

Kate looked up at him, with an attempt at a smile on her face, "Fine…considering…" she said, "are you ok?" she added.

Jack nodded, "…considering."

They were quiet for a moment.

Kate knew that they had come here to talk about Ethan, but all she wanted to do was explain herself to Jack. She wanted to thank him for the night before when they saw Ethan. She wanted to thank him for defending her to Ana. She wanted to thank him for helping her at the beach. She wanted to thank him for comforting her in the jungle even though he was mad. She wanted to explain why she ran. She knew all that was trivial given the Ethan situation, but what was really stopping was her fear of how Jack would react.

"Can you pick up his trail?" Jack interrupted Kate's thoughts.

"What?" Kate replied surprised, "You wan to follow him?" she asked, shocked.

"Yeah, what then? Let him go?" Jack said.

"Jack, you are talking about someone, who first of all we don't know who he was or where he came from, who kidnapped Claire, strangled Charlie, knocked you unconscious. Someone we killed, buried and now has come back!" Kate jumped back at him still shocked at what Jack was proposing.

"Kate, it would be far more dangerous to let him go, think about it." Jack replied calmly.

Kate was quite for a moment. "Bu it can't be just the two of us, Jack, we'd have to tell a few others to have at least some advantage." Kate consented.

Jack shook his head, "there is no one we can tell." He said.

"What? Why? How about the same people as last time?" Kate asked him.

"No, Kate. No one can handle it. Sawyer is nursing a bullet wound in his shoulder. Sayid just lost Shannon, he's too emotional. Charlie and Claire they would just freak out." Jack explained to her.

"You forgot someone. Locke." Kate said.

"No." Jack replied abruptly.

"No! He's our best tracker and hunter, Jack. Don't you think you should put the thing you have against Locke aside for a moment…", Kate said, surprised that Jack would put a personal feeling ahead of the welfare of everyone.

"It's not about _my thing against him_, not this time." Jack said.

"What do you mean?" Kate asked, confused.

"Nothing, forget it, we just can't tell him." Jack said, not offering Kate much explanation.

"Jack, there's something you're not telling me." Kate said, her voice calmer than before, looking directly into Jack's eyes.

_You're someone to talk about secrets_, Jack thought to himself without replying.

"Jack, what did Ethan say to you?" Kate asked him, sure now that there was something he was not telling her.

Jack looked down without replying, and shook his head slightly.

"Jack, I know you don't trust me right now, and that I'm possibly the last person you want to talk to." Kate explained, "but this is bigger than what happened yesterday, and we can't put everyone at risk just because…" Kate choked at the idea of mentioning their kiss and her running, "What did Ethan say?"

Jack scanned the area making sure no one was there, then looked back at Kate, "He…He said to stop _pressing the button if we knew what was best for us_."

Kate was flabbergasted. "What? What was that supposed to mean?" she asked.

Jack shook his head.

"That's all he said? Nothing about what it does? What about Claire? Or Walt? Did he say anything?" Kate fired her questions.

"No, that was it. You heard the rest." Jack said. "Now you see why no one can handle it."

"Ok, Jack, but still it can't be just the two of us. Plus, after last night's rain, I don't think there is a trail anymore." Kate said.

"I don't think we need to follow him. I have the feeling he will be back, same time and place as last night. I'll just need someone to know, incase…" Jack started, "I'll go again tonight, and if anything happens, then you can say that I've gone missing, without mentioning Ethan, and follow that trail." Jack explained his plan.

"You're kidding, right? You can't be serious! Tell me you have a Plan B cause that sure ain't gonna happen. I'm not gonna let you just walk out there and get yourself killed while I sit back!" Kate lashed at him.

"Kate, if wants to hurt anyone he would have done so last night. Something tells me it isn't going to get physical this time. Plus, I'll be armed." Jack tried to defend his case.

"Yeah, well guns obviously don't work on him, and you can't be sure he won't hurt you." Kate said, "Jack, please tell me you have another plan." Kate asked him, more calmly this time.

Jack nodded, "We'll need to talk to Eko first."


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey everyone. ****Thanks a lot for all the reviews :D you guys are great. ****I am soooooo sorry for taking so long to update but I had finals and stuff, you know useless education stuff :P ****So here's chapter 10, and I promise that chapter 11 won't take long. ****So thanks for reading and reviewing and ENJOY!**

"Eko?" Kate looked at Jack quizzically.

"Yeah… he's a tracker, plus he's not that involved in the whole Ethan thing," Jack explained as they started off back to the caves.

As they walked back, Jack explained to Kate what he had in mind, Kate didn't say much. She just nodded from time to time. It wasn't the most thought of planned, but Kate didn't say anything as she had nothing better.

Everyone was busy with his or her own thing back at the caves. Claire was feeding Aaron, while Charlie, sitting next to them, was singing something about a flood. Sun and Rose were folding clothes. Ana was sharpening a stick, again.

"There's Eko," Jack said as he headed towards him.

"I'm gonna go change and I'll catch up with you, ok?" Kate said.

Jack looked at her, realizing she was still in the Dharma overalls, he chuckled, "sure."

"Excuse me?" Jack hadn't spoken to Eko since he brought Sawyer back.

"Yes?" Eko replied, turning to face Jack.

"There's something I need to talk to you about," Jack said

Eko just looked at Jack, confused.

"Something happened, and we…umm… need your help, but we can't talk here," Jack said, confusing Eko further.

"Ok, so let's go somewhere where you can tell," Eko said.

"Yeah, just a sec… we have to wait for Kate," Jack said, glancing over towards Kate's cave.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Twenty minutes later, Jack and Kate had told Eko the whole Ethan story, from mysteriously appearing, to being shot and to creepily reappearing. Kate had taken over from Jack, at first, when he started to blame himself for Claire being I the jungle to begin with, and then Jack took over when Kate choked as she mentioned finding Charlie hung from a tree.

"Are you two crazy!" was Eko's first reply when the two were finished.

Jack and Kate just looked at him, in a "we're dead serious" look.

"Did you tell me this story to _convince_ me to help you find this Ethan?"

"Look, Eko, now that he's back, and he's made a point of letting us know, we can't just not do anything about it. We don't know if he's alone. We don't kow what he wants. We don't know if he's going to hurt anyone, and we can't keep on not knowing. We can't keep on hiding and running…" Jack was quiet for a moment, "all we're after are answers."

No one spoke for a while as they just looked at each other before Eko broke the silence, "Who are you planning to involve in this?"

"Well… just the people from last time, but not really go into the details of what he said. And we have to protect Claire, you have anyone in mind?" Jack explained.

"the Korean, Jin, would be helpful," Eko suggested.

"But that means we'll have to tell Sun as well," Jack started.

"I think telling Sun would be good," Kate started.

Jack and Eko looked at her, "… you know, for Claire…" Kate explained.

"And Ana Lucia," Eko added.

Jack and Kate looked at each other; Jack nodded and gave Kate a reassuring smile before looking back a Eko. Bu before either Jack or Kate could say anything, Eko explained, "I know what you might think of her right now, but she's capable and strong…"

"Ok," Jack said abruptly despite the glare he was getting from Kate.

As Jack stared to get up he was stopped by Kate's hand holding on his arm. As electrifying as that touch was, Kate quickly withdrew her hand once she had gotten Jack's attention.

"Jack, there's one more thing," Kate said.

The two men just looked at her. "Well, the rest of the camp are going to notice if ten of us just disappear and Claire hides in the hatch all day. Everyone's already edgy after what happened at the beach last night," Kate explained.

"What do you have in mind?" Jack asked.

"Well, maybe bring Hurley into this," Kate said with a smile drawing on her face; one which was matched by Jack, "you know, he always knows how help people unwind."

"But he can't keep a secret," Jack said, with the smile still lingering on his face.

"He wouldn't need to know everything, just that to find a way to get people relaxed," Kate explained.

Jack shook his head, "Ok."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Telling everyone to meet them in the hatch in twenty minutes and to keep it quiet, without giving any more details was not an easy task. The process did not come without the "why?" and "what's going on" and "my shift isn't till tonight" comments, not to mention the earful of remarks they got from Sawyer.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

"Well, well, well. So the whole Security Council has been called up for this little shindig," Sawyer commented as he walked into the hatch, seeing Locke, Sayid, Charlie, Claire, Jin, Sun, Hurley, Michael and Ana.

"And I thought the Doc and Freckles were planning a little somethin' special just for me," he finished with a silly sarcastic smile on his face.

"What do you thinks is going on?" Michael said, ignoring Sawyer.

"I don't know," Locke said, rubbing his forehead, "but those two did come to the hatch really late last night, looking like they've seen a ghost."

"and they have been taking secret walks into the jungle and having private chats with Eko all morning," Ana said.

They all fell silent for a moment, except for Sun who was explaining to Jin that no one knew anything.

A few moments later, Jack, Kate and Eko walked in, and all eyes turned to them.

**Ok, how was that for a comeback chapter? I know not that great :s but please review, even if its harsh, let it be constructive criticism  I'm just getting back into it and setting up whats to come. Thanks for reading!**


	11. AUTHOR NOT DEAD! message :D

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

first of all thanks for all the reviews and for reading. Second, I am really really really sorry that I haven't updated in like forever, but I have had the craziest past six months, I hadn't had the chance to write or work on this fic. Good news is, now I have graduated and unemployed so I have all the time in the world ;) I have every intention to finish the story, I just need to get my notes fixed up and sit down and write. So please please please hang around and sorry again for the looong dry spell. And since I started writing this early in the season, I had certain things I wanted to explain about the others and stuff we had not learned about, so I will be working with that regardless of what we learned about them throughout the rest of the season (although it will have some similarities I guess.  
So, thanks, sorry, and stay tuned!


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